Mugabe Interview

Over now to Charles Kaltenbrunner. He is interviewing Mr. Mugabe. The President of Rhodesia

Kaltenbrunner: Congratulations, Mr. President, on being re-elected.
Mr. Mugabe: Thank you. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Mostly blood.
Kaltenbrunner: You look very well for having gone through that.
Mr. Mugabe: Oh. It wasn't my blood, sweat, and tears, it was the opposition's.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I hear that one prominent opposition member was murdered.
Mr. Mugabe: No. it was suicide. I know. I was there.
Kaltenbrunner: You were there at a suicide?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, I walked there into his office and there he was with a Kalishnikov at his head.
Kaltenbrunner: A kalishnakov? But that's a machine gun. How did he possibly put that to his head?
Mr. Mugabe: Oh, he managed somehow.
Kaltenbrunner: Go on.
Mr. Mugabe: Anyway. I called out. Don't do that, you mad bugger.
Kaltenbrunner: What did he say?
Mr. Mugabe: Nothing. He just pulled the trigger. Shot himself 6 times in the head, twice in the leg, and several bruises to the belly.
Kaltenbrunner: Bruises? From a machine gun?
Mr. Mugabe: Must have been the recoil.
Kaltenbrunner: A tragedy.
Mr. Mugabe: Not really, no. Not for voters. It meant voters had a clear choice between somebody who is dead and somebody who is living.
Kaltenbrunner: I meant for him,
Mr. Mugabe: No, not really. No. You see, depressed people like that have nothing to live for anyway. He's happy now. That's what the Bible tells us, you know. Did you know I have had theological training? I know the Bible backwards.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I suspected as much. I must say, Mr President, this is a lovely office you have. All chairs have lovely tapestry seat covers.
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, he left me them in his will. It was an oral will. His last words really. I regard them as a sacred trust.
Kaltenbrunner: I see. But isn't it usual to have leather seats?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes. But I find leather just sticks to the arse.
Kaltenbrunner: Indeed. Perhaps we should look at your economy.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm very proud of it. There's no economy like it anywhere on earth you know.
Kaltenbrunner: I'm sure that's the case. Doesn't inflation running at 2 million per cent bother you?
Mr. Mugabe: No. Of course not. Can't you see? With 1 million Zimbabwean dollars equal to 115 American dollars nearly everybody in Zimbable is a millionaire.
Kaltenbrunner: The west doesn't see it like that
Mr. Mugabe: The west, the west. Can the west attract millions of tons of food relief a week?? Is anyone sending food parcels to Australia or England or the U.S.??
Kaltenbrunner: That's an unusual point of view.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm an unusual man.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes. I'm sure you are. Thank you Mr. President.