Baghdad Boys High, Year 8.
Maths.Q1.Without firing your machine gun into the air, show why the square on the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares on the other two sides.(10 Marks)
Q2. If an AK47 bullet travels at 840m/sec, how long would it take to hit a woman who is running for cover at 6m/sec?Why would she not hear the bullet?(15 Marks)
Civics. Q1 If an election result disappoints you, examine the relative merits of torching a library, or exploding a bomb in a market place. You are not limited to the options given here. (10 Marks)
Q2. If a man's team has won a soccer match, examine the rule of etiquette that requires him to hang on the side of a truck being driven down crowded streets at night while cheering and brandishing a side arm? (10 Marks)
Economics. Q1. In one and a half pages (excluding graphs) explain why even the poorest and most drought stricken countries still find the money for arms and ammunition, and can support a very large army and police force. (25 marks)
It is not well known that the concept of franchising began in Victoria, Australia, in 1843 when businesswoman, Amanda Love, began servicing the wheat and barley industry with her 'Jack the Reaper' harvesting business. Her advertisement was noticed by Basil Twit, a press agent, whose client was a psychopath specialising in murdering and disemboweling prostitutes, but whose press coverage was lamentable, as the country was engrossed in sporting results. He began planting stories about 'Jack the Ripper' borrowing and altering Amanda Love's creation, and made his client a figure of national interest. The two fell out over a dispute concerning expenses and Twit threatened to write a letter to The Times. For some unexplained reason Twit simply disappeared and the letter was never published. (History of Victoria, Charles Manson, Vol 3, 1898)
Useful tip from Mrs. Greta Garbo– this time in verse -
Those who abide in glass houses,
Should think when removing their trousers.
And Paris Milton writes; “I met this incredible guy. He finished school and everything, and knows nearly everything in the world. He said I was just like Helen of Troy. He said her face launched a thousand ships. I couldn't ask questions at a time like that, you know? But what I really want to know is, did he mean that sailors fancied Helen and she fancied them? Please don't say yes.” No.
Saturday, October 25, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
Mugabe Interview
Over now to Charles Kaltenbrunner. He is interviewing Mr. Mugabe. The President of Rhodesia
Kaltenbrunner: Congratulations, Mr. President, on being re-elected.
Mr. Mugabe: Thank you. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Mostly blood.
Kaltenbrunner: You look very well for having gone through that.
Mr. Mugabe: Oh. It wasn't my blood, sweat, and tears, it was the opposition's.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I hear that one prominent opposition member was murdered.
Mr. Mugabe: No. it was suicide. I know. I was there.
Kaltenbrunner: You were there at a suicide?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, I walked there into his office and there he was with a Kalishnikov at his head.
Kaltenbrunner: A kalishnakov? But that's a machine gun. How did he possibly put that to his head?
Mr. Mugabe: Oh, he managed somehow.
Kaltenbrunner: Go on.
Mr. Mugabe: Anyway. I called out. Don't do that, you mad bugger.
Kaltenbrunner: What did he say?
Mr. Mugabe: Nothing. He just pulled the trigger. Shot himself 6 times in the head, twice in the leg, and several bruises to the belly.
Kaltenbrunner: Bruises? From a machine gun?
Mr. Mugabe: Must have been the recoil.
Kaltenbrunner: A tragedy.
Mr. Mugabe: Not really, no. Not for voters. It meant voters had a clear choice between somebody who is dead and somebody who is living.
Kaltenbrunner: I meant for him,
Mr. Mugabe: No, not really. No. You see, depressed people like that have nothing to live for anyway. He's happy now. That's what the Bible tells us, you know. Did you know I have had theological training? I know the Bible backwards.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I suspected as much. I must say, Mr President, this is a lovely office you have. All chairs have lovely tapestry seat covers.
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, he left me them in his will. It was an oral will. His last words really. I regard them as a sacred trust.
Kaltenbrunner: I see. But isn't it usual to have leather seats?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes. But I find leather just sticks to the arse.
Kaltenbrunner: Indeed. Perhaps we should look at your economy.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm very proud of it. There's no economy like it anywhere on earth you know.
Kaltenbrunner: I'm sure that's the case. Doesn't inflation running at 2 million per cent bother you?
Mr. Mugabe: No. Of course not. Can't you see? With 1 million Zimbabwean dollars equal to 115 American dollars nearly everybody in Zimbable is a millionaire.
Kaltenbrunner: The west doesn't see it like that
Mr. Mugabe: The west, the west. Can the west attract millions of tons of food relief a week?? Is anyone sending food parcels to Australia or England or the U.S.??
Kaltenbrunner: That's an unusual point of view.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm an unusual man.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes. I'm sure you are. Thank you Mr. President.
Kaltenbrunner: Congratulations, Mr. President, on being re-elected.
Mr. Mugabe: Thank you. It took a lot of blood, sweat and tears. Mostly blood.
Kaltenbrunner: You look very well for having gone through that.
Mr. Mugabe: Oh. It wasn't my blood, sweat, and tears, it was the opposition's.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I hear that one prominent opposition member was murdered.
Mr. Mugabe: No. it was suicide. I know. I was there.
Kaltenbrunner: You were there at a suicide?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, I walked there into his office and there he was with a Kalishnikov at his head.
Kaltenbrunner: A kalishnakov? But that's a machine gun. How did he possibly put that to his head?
Mr. Mugabe: Oh, he managed somehow.
Kaltenbrunner: Go on.
Mr. Mugabe: Anyway. I called out. Don't do that, you mad bugger.
Kaltenbrunner: What did he say?
Mr. Mugabe: Nothing. He just pulled the trigger. Shot himself 6 times in the head, twice in the leg, and several bruises to the belly.
Kaltenbrunner: Bruises? From a machine gun?
Mr. Mugabe: Must have been the recoil.
Kaltenbrunner: A tragedy.
Mr. Mugabe: Not really, no. Not for voters. It meant voters had a clear choice between somebody who is dead and somebody who is living.
Kaltenbrunner: I meant for him,
Mr. Mugabe: No, not really. No. You see, depressed people like that have nothing to live for anyway. He's happy now. That's what the Bible tells us, you know. Did you know I have had theological training? I know the Bible backwards.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes I suspected as much. I must say, Mr President, this is a lovely office you have. All chairs have lovely tapestry seat covers.
Mr. Mugabe: Yes, he left me them in his will. It was an oral will. His last words really. I regard them as a sacred trust.
Kaltenbrunner: I see. But isn't it usual to have leather seats?
Mr. Mugabe: Yes. But I find leather just sticks to the arse.
Kaltenbrunner: Indeed. Perhaps we should look at your economy.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm very proud of it. There's no economy like it anywhere on earth you know.
Kaltenbrunner: I'm sure that's the case. Doesn't inflation running at 2 million per cent bother you?
Mr. Mugabe: No. Of course not. Can't you see? With 1 million Zimbabwean dollars equal to 115 American dollars nearly everybody in Zimbable is a millionaire.
Kaltenbrunner: The west doesn't see it like that
Mr. Mugabe: The west, the west. Can the west attract millions of tons of food relief a week?? Is anyone sending food parcels to Australia or England or the U.S.??
Kaltenbrunner: That's an unusual point of view.
Mr. Mugabe: I'm an unusual man.
Kaltenbrunner: Yes. I'm sure you are. Thank you Mr. President.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
